BRANDS OF DOOM

A portfolio of businesses that should not exist.

About

Brands of Doom is satire. Every brand on this page is fictional. Any resemblance to a viable business is an accident we regret.

Images are generated by AI, ideas by a troubled human mind.

Privacy

No cookies, no third parties. We count visits ourselves. We would not know what to do with your data. We barely know what to do with ours.

Privacy page

Founders Portal

Restricted. Founders only. There is one founder, and he is not a cybersec genius.

Username Password

HA.

You really thought you figured it out?

You did. Welcome, founder. This is the Founders Portal of Brands of Doom. Here is everything in it, which is also everything we have.

Portfolio value: declining
Unread messages: 11 (expedition members, 1922)
Brands waiting for one word: 8
Where your password was: a file called passwords.txt, as is tradition
Founder's whereabouts: on leave, indefinitely
Session stored: nowhere. close this and you were never here, which you may find familiar

This certifies that the holder found a password that was written down, logged in as somebody else and was congratulated for it. This is, historically, how most careers begin. Issued by Magpie. Valid until the tab closes.

The founder takes messages from people who got this far.
One line, up to 1000 characters. Nothing is sent until you say yes.

Session token: